The opening lines of Bulwer-Lytton’s Paul Clifford (1830) are: "It was a dark and stormy night and the rain fell in torrents–except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness." In September MensaMag, compare this year’s winning lines, learn about unconventional hydrocarbons, and admire prairie beauty. Consider computer tips, the ban against reincarnation, supporting troops, and much much more. Add your views through our Comment buttons. Send contributions, copies of articles you’ve read, and anything else by clicking Contributions on the contacts page.

Jim Gleeson, 47, of Madison, Wisconsin, outwrangled thousands of other prose cowboys in the 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest with this convoluted opening sentence to a nonexistent novel: "Gerald began – but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten per cent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them ‘permanently’ meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash – to pee."

Scott Rice, an English professor at San Jose State, called Gleeson’s entry a "syntactic atrocity." Rice has organized the contest since founding it in 1982.

By way of comparison, here is the 1983 winner, authored by Gail Cain of San Francisco, California: "The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nails – not for the first time since the journey began – pondered snidely if this would dissolve into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent with Basil."

It is understandable that a camel’s premature death would provoke a sulk. No one has a problem with this. Equally, a cultured man or woman under stress might easily buff nails that are already perfect. Where Ms Cain strays into Bulwer-Lytton territory is the wrap-around complexity of it all. And where she departs again is on our recognition that Bulwer-Lytton was one of the most popular writers of his time. His memory is paradoxically evoked when we contemplate anyone, once greatly respected and admired, who is – like most Canadian Prime Ministers – subsequently forgotten.

A small prize is incidentally offered (at MensaMag editor’s sole discretion) for the person who best describes Basil.

(idea by patricia almost)

Menu Foods packages pet food. It’s the largest manufacturer in North America, currently more than a billion containers per year, and specializes in products sold under other company’s labels. When you see a Safeway or Wal-Mart pet food, a PetSmart or Pet Valu, you’re looking at Menu Foods. The same is true of pet specialty shops, chichi boutiques, middle size venues, in short the full spectrum of outlets. In the world of wet pet food, if you’re looking at any package, no matter what it says, chances are it’s Menu Foods. Till recently.

Here’s what happened.

Menu Foods has three manufacturing plants in the United States and one in Canada. It has been in business for over 35 years and currently employs more than 800 workers. It manufactures pet food for hundreds of national brands and store labels and sells to retailers around the globe. We’re talking major reputation and megabucks. This isn’t a backstreet operation.

In February 2007, reports started circulating that pets were becoming sick after eating mainstream pet food, particularly the brands manufactured by Menu Foods. Some pets died. It is coincidence that the FDA’s announcement in springtime, when exposure was at its maximum, emphasized that this is a Canadian company. We are given to understand that no American company distributes tainted food. No sir. But all’s fair in love, war and commerce. A bit of nationalism goes down well in the neocon paradise.

Let’s look at some people and dates. The President and CEO of Menu Foods is Paul Henderson. He has held these positions for about three years. In June 2007, he declared that by March 7th Menu Foods was testing the wheat gluten in its products and had dropped all contaminated sources. This was before, Mr Henderson continues, the substance was identified as a possible cause of the problem.

We admire someone who finds solutions before identifying the problem. Unit holders of Menu Foods are proud. You can’t argue with success. And this company is gifted in other areas. It initiated a massive product recall in mid-March, and the CFO of Menu Foods Income Fund says it was a "horrible coincidence" that he sold nearly half his investment units less than three weeks before the recall. Mark Wiens sold 14,000 units, or 45 per cent of his stock, for $102,900 on February 26 and 27, 2007. The shares would have been worth $62,440 at post-recall prices. Well, some people have all the luck. We don’t criticize people for bad investments. Why grump when they receive a ray of sunshine?

Wiens said the first reports about pet-related illnesses connected to Menu Foods products were made in late February, but he did not hear about the issue until early March. The trouble is that the first pet illnesses and deaths appeared in the press about mid-February, not late February. J. Fortier reports in the Ottawa Business Journal that Menu Foods’ recall (91 products) “came nearly one month after the first reported deaths." But perhaps Mr Wiens had gone skiing or just didn’t put two and two together or Fortier blundered. These things happen. Nobody’s perfect. Not even journalists. So Mr Wiens sold his shares opportunely. So what? So he doesn’t read about every tabby that bites the dust. So he skips to the sports page. Big deal.

Menu Foods suspended its use of contaminated wheat gluten, says Mr Henderson, out of abundance of caution. This is sensitive and prudent corporate governance. It would help to know how many scientists were thrown into the investigation of illnesses and deaths, and when, and by whom, and exactly what their instructions were, and what they did. But we mustn’t blow hot and heavy over a fuss that’s passé. If Menu Foods stopped using contaminated product by March 7th and the first recall was March 16th, that’s only nine days for pets to get sick and die. Why make a fuss?

The problem turns out to be foreigners. Menu Foods and the press have done their best to explain this, and it’s our own fault if we can’t parse their Bulwer-Lytton prose. In report after report, we see that healthy wheat gluten was adulterated with melamine in China to give falsely high nitrogen readings. High nitrogen in pet food indicates good protein content. The trouble, anyone can see, is cheating by the Chinese. Menu Foods had switched its supplier of wheat gluten to ChemNutra Inc., and ChemNutra was deceived by a Chinese company. There we are. Simple. One only wishes – admittedly this is pedantic – that Menu Foods had informed the public loud and clear that it switched to ChemNutra because of price pressure from Loblaws, Wal-Mart and similar companies. These businesses are Menu Foods’ most valued customers. What is Menu Foods supposed to do? How can Mr Henderson prove that he’s a competent CEO? We understand the dilemma they faced. They must keep the megastores on side, which necessitates meeting their price demands. There’s no choice.

And the megastores can apply pressure to experienced businesses, because the public will fight for every penny discount even at the risk of Bowser and Tabby’s health. Apparently. Though no competent CEO will say so.

Wait a minute. The problem then is the consumer. Not just the Chinese. And if governments regulated pet food and had any testing, the problem might not have arisen, but regulations and testing cost money. Voters won’t elect people who increase taxes. Perhaps the problem is the voter, meaning us.

Let’s imagine that mom and pop read the papers and are willing to alter their ingrained shopping habits to save Bowser and Tabby’s lives. They see a New York State Food Laboratory announcement that Menu Foods brands are linked to aminopterin. Aminopterin is used as rat poison. Next, mom and pop then see a recall of 91 products. Several days later, the FDA says that it couldn’t find any rat poison, but the food was contaminated with melamine, a chemical used in fertilizer, pesticide and plastic. Canada has done nothing in all this time. But ignore our sleepy MPs. What are mom and pop to do with the information given by the media? Einstein would be mumbling in dismay. And then we discover that not all ingredients are listed on the packages.

Perhaps it’s unrealistic to fault Menu Foods when nobody else knows what’s going on. Another view is that someone who offers food to the public is responsible for its contents. Both positions have been defended in public. Welcome to the foodbiz. More pointedly, the question on the table is whether restaurants can poison with impunity if it’s an accident. Watch parliament for a statute that exonerates food manufacturers. See what the insurance companies say.

Perhaps 35 years of safe products made Menu Foods complacent. Or one lapse in 35 years proves that its systems are adequate. We know for sure that initially the recall included products manufactured between December 2006 and January 2007. The company assured vendors and the public that no dry — only canned and pouched wet food — was affected. Later, the recall extended to earlier and later dates, from November 2006 to March 2007. Shortly thereafter, additional brands, treats, and some dry foods were added. The massive scale of the pet food recall, lengthy delays in communicating, and mixed messages sent confusion rippling through the large population of pet owners. Does anyone know whether there have been two or several thousand pet deaths attributable to the food issue?

Perhaps the sensible approach is to restrict the shield of limited liability given to companies. We’ve already gone some distance towards this. Banks and insurance companies must comply with stringent requirements. All public companies must meet diverse ethical standards, though haphazardly enforced. And even company directors, those elusive twisters of the business universe, aren’t exempt from every recourse.

Assume that the direct cost of the pet food recall was about $45 million excluding lost business and cost of litigation. Menu Foods has reportedly lost a prime customer effective October and has triggered a mechanism to make takeover more difficult. Look at the graph showing the drop in the Menu Foods unit price over the last several months. The market smells blood.

The time is ripe for Menu Foods to point out that there is no pet food regulation, and that it would have followed all the rules except there aren’t any. The problem isn’t Menu Foods. They rightly explain that 35 years of safe product isn’t a coincidence. Menu Foods does its best. The problem is government. Parliament reduces the ranks of civil servants, fires scientists, attacks whistle-blowers, and spends its time on improving MPs’ pensions. Why not make health and safety a priority? Perhaps parliament’s attitude is skewed. Perhaps the problem is the elector, and much as we hate to admit it, us.

Some people feel deceived at the lack of alternatives for quality pet food in the marketplace. Until this recall, many consumers didn’t realize that one manufacturer was making, packaging and labeling so many different brands. Other than choosing a size and shape of kibble, and the colour of the bag it comes in, consumers appear to have little choice. Similar principles apply to human food.

Which brings us to secrecy. There was no reason for Menu Foods to disclose where its product came from. Quite the opposite. There was every reason and right to keep it confidential. Yet the public suffers from this lack of opportunity to make an informed choice. We’re back to parliament and its failure to provide the public with alternatives. Be it in the arena of newspapers or food or public information itself, MPs seem unconcerned with the restrictions that face us. They give as little as they can. It’s a struggle to extract anything from our representatives. We have ourselves to blame. Or do we? Whither democracy – the new frontier and subject for another article.

(by bb)

A Natural Gas Crisis Coming?

This resource triangle illustrates that conventional resources (the apex of the triangle) represent a relatively small volume of the total hydrocarbons in an area or basin. Unconventional hydrocarbons depicted by the lower part of the triangle tend to occur in substantially higher volumes. Early exploration and production is focussed on the apex of the triangle. Industry only pursues opportunities lower in the triangle when the opportunities at the top of the triangle are inadequate to meet demand and consumers are prepared to pay to make the opportunities economic. The oval illustrates that the Alberta oil and gas industry has moved significantly down the triangle in pursuing both oil (heavy oil, tar sands) and gas (coalbed methane, tight gas).

The final years of the 20th century saw a rapid escalation in natural gas drilling in Western Canada. For the first time, however, the rate of production growth began to falter.

In early 2000, as Murphy Oil, Apache and Beau Canada announced their discovery of the Ladyfern Slave Point gas field in a remote area of Northeastern British Columbia, their achievement seemed to herald a new era of successful wildcat exploration. As word of a major discovery leaked out, many of the significant players in the industry jumped on the bandwagon. A frenzy of land purchases, drilling and pipeline construction followed. In little more than a year, production from the new fields rose to more than 700 million cubic feet per day – and this from an area only accessible during the cold winter months. Production from this region helped raise Canada’s gas production to a new peak (in late 2001) of 17.4 billion cubic feet of sales gas per day.

Rather than representing a new era of large discoveries, Ladyfern appears to have been just another increasingly-rare large gas find. During boom periods in the 1950s, for example, gas exploration yielded large new gas fields almost every year, and many discoveries waited for years to be tied into the pipeline network. As the industry matured, such discoveries became unusual. Prior to Ladyfern, the last large gas discovery had been at Caroline, more than ten years earlier.

Unconventional gas: In any given area, free-flowing, buoyancy-driven conventional gas represents a very small fraction of the natural gas resources present. Unconventional gas represents possibly hundreds of times more natural gas resource than there is for conventional gas. It comes from five major sources:

1. One is shallow, biogenically-derived gas in mixed sand and shale sequences. Shallow biogenic gas is considered to be an unconventional gas resource since it is not generated in the same temperature and pressure systems found in conventional hydrocarbon generation. The Milk River and Medicine Hat sands of southeastern Alberta and southwestern Saskatchewan are classic examples of this type of unconventional gas. This is the area where gas was first produced in western Canada, and it is still a major producing region. This continuously gas-producing area is the largest in the Western Canadian Sedimentary Basin.

2. Coalbed methane is natural gas within the structure of coal. Special production techniques to remove this gas from its coal seam reservoir include lowering reservoir pressures rather than keeping them high. Coalbed methane knowledge has advanced rapidly. So has the development of water-free natural gas from coal in the Horseshoe Canyon Formation in Central Alberta. First commercial production only occurred in 2002, but current production is already more than 500 million cubic feet per day.

3. Tight gas is gas in low-permeability rock. Reservoirs require artificial fracturing to enable the gas to flow. Canadian Hunter Exploration in the 1970s identified a huge gas resource in the Deep Basin of western Alberta. In this area, much of the sedimentary section is charged with natural gas. The rock can have extremely low permeability but production is not hampered by the presence of water. Similar gas-charged areas have been found in many parts of the world; a common term for this kind of reservoir is "basin-centred gas".

4. Shale gas is held in shale reservoirs. This is also a low-permeability, highly-challenging resource. Large volumes of gas molecules are trapped in shales which represent one of the commonest rock types in any sedimentary sequence. Shale gas production has been pursued in the United States since the early days of the natural gas industry, and in recent years the Barnett Shale in west Texas has been a tremendous success. Many companies are experimenting with shale gas production in Saskatchewan, Alberta and northeastern British Columbia, but a commercially viable project has yet to be announced.

5. Gas hydrates consist of natural gas trapped in ice crystals in areas of permafrost and on the ocean floor.

In 1985, unconventional gas production received a boost when the United States introduced incentives to encourage the development of energy alternative. This incentive advanced the technical understanding of the resources themselves and of ways to develop them. Canada has benefited from this, learning new ways to exploit her own unconventional resources.

Complacency: The existence of these resources has led to complacency among consumers, who still assume they will always be supplied with gas at "reasonable" rates. Developing these resources can have substantial impacts on the environment through closer well spacing, more intensive infrastructure, additional noise from compression, the challenges of water disposal, NIMBY issues, and other factors. More to the point, most people do not understand that little unconventional gas is extractable in large volumes at lower prices.

Consider this matter in the context that natural gas producers generally buy mineral rights from the Crown but must negotiate surface access and other land rights with their neighbours. In this environment, the chances are high that some projects will face delays as a result of public hearings – for example, as Shell and the other contenders did at the Caroline hearing. After all, those with an interest in a single land use decision could include petroleum producers, Aboriginals, landowners, farmers, ranchers, loggers, trappers, campers, sports and environmental groups, and others. Many conflicting interests need to be resolved.

Forecasters now commonly suggest that western Canada’s conventional gas production has peaked and will continue to decline. Gaps between traditional supply and growing demand are already being filled with gas from such diverse sources as tight sands; coalbed methane; and since January 2000, frontier gas and liquids from Nova Scotia’s Sable Offshore Energy Project. Other possible future sources include Mackenzie delta gas and liquefied natural gas from abroad. This suggests higher future costs and risks, and that suggests higher-priced future energy.

(by dave russum and peter mcKenzie-brown)

(http://languageinstinct.blogspot.com/2007/07/coming-natural-gas-crisis.html)

Envoy Urges Visas for Iraqis Aiding U.S.

The American ambassador in Baghdad, Ryan C. Crocker, has asked the Bush administration to take the unusual step of granting immigrant visas to all Iraqis employed by the U.S. government in Iraq because of growing concern that they will quit and flee the country if they cannot be assured eventual safe passage to the United States.

Crocker’s request comes as the administration is struggling to respond to the flood of Iraqis who have sought refuge in neighbouring countries since sectarian fighting escalated early last year. The United States has admitted 133 Iraqi refugees since October, despite predicting that it would process 7,000 by the end of September.

"Our [Iraqi staff members] work under extremely difficult conditions, and are targets for violence including murder and kidnapping," Crocker wrote Undersecretary of State Henrietta H. Fore. "Unless they know that there is some hope of an [immigrant visa] in the future, many will continue to seek asylum, leaving our Mission lacking in one of our most valuable assets."

Crocker’s two-page cable dramatizes how Iraq’s instability and a rapidly increasing refugee population are stoking new pressures to help those who are threatened or displaced. As public sentiment grows for a partial or full American withdrawal, U.S. Embassy officials are facing demands from their own employees to secure a reliable exit route, and the administration as a whole is facing pressure from aid groups, lawmakers and diplomats to do more for those upended by the war.

With Iraqi immigration to the United States stuck at a trickle, however, it appears that humanitarian concerns have been trumped so far by fears that terrorists may infiltrate through refugee channels. Bureaucratic delays at the departments of State and Homeland Security have also bogged down the processing of immigration requests by Iraqis fleeing violence.

Skeptics contend another reason the administration has been slow to resettle Iraqis in large numbers is that doing so could be seen as admitting that its efforts to secure Iraq have failed. The intense pressure for visas "reflects the fact that the situation is pretty dire," said Roberta Cohen, principal adviser to the U.N. secretary general’s representative on internally displaced persons.

The Office of the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees says that about 2 million Iraqis have been displaced inside the country so far, and that an estimated 2.2 million others have fled to Syria, Jordan and other neighbors, where they threaten to overwhelm schools and housing, destabilize host governments and provide a recruiting ground for radical unrest. Each month, an additional 60,000 Iraqis flee their homes, the U.N. agency said.

Overall estimates of the number of Iraqis who may be targeted as collaborators because of their work for U.S., coalition or foreign reconstruction groups are as high as 110,000. The U.N. refugee agency has estimated that 20,000 Iraqi refugees need permanent resettlement.

In the cable he sent July 9, Crocker highlighted the plight of Iraqis who have assumed great risk by helping the United States. Since June 2004, at least nine U.S. Embassy employees have been killed — including a married couple last month. But Iraqi employees other than interpreters and translators generally cannot obtain U.S. immigrant visas, and until a recent expansion that took the annual quota to 500 from 50, interpreter-translator applicants faced a nine-year backlog.

As a result, Crocker said, the embassy is referring two workers per week to a U.S. asylum program. Outside analysts and former officials say the number of Iraqi staffers at the embassy has fallen by about half from 200 last year, while rough estimates place the number of Iraqi employees of the U.S. government in the low thousands.

A 43-year-old former engineer for the U.S. Embassy who gave his name as Abu Ali said Iraqis working with Americans at any level must trust no one, use fake names, conceal their travel and telephone use, and withhold their employment even from family members. Despite such extreme precautions, he said they are viewed as traitors by some countrymen and are still mistrusted by the U.S. government.

"We have no good end or finish for us," said Ali, who quit the embassy in June and moved to Dubai with his four children.

Kirk W. Johnson, who served as regional reconstruction coordinator in Fallujah in 2005 for the U.S. Agency for International Development, said the damage to the United States’ standing in the Muslim world will be long-lasting if the country’s immigration officials are unable to tell friend from foe in Iraq — between terrorists and those who have sacrificed the most to work and fight alongside Americans. "If we screw this group of people, we’re never going to make another friend in the Middle East as long as I’m alive," said Johnson, who is advocating the resettlement of Iraqis who have worked for coalition forces. "The people in the Middle East are watching what happens to this group."

The State Department declined to comment on Friday about Crocker’s proposals or his cable, a copy of which was obtained by The Washington Post. But Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said last week that he would like Iraqis who worked for the United States or who have been vouched for by American authorities to be processed "as quickly as we can, because I think we have a responsibility there."

Kenneth H. Bacon, president of Refugees International, who has urged broader U.S. resettlement efforts, said that "the U.S. does have an obligation to be fair to the people who have served it, whether in Iraq or elsewhere. That’s what Ryan Crocker wants to be able to promise." Bacon was among several refugee experts who said that Iraqi employees seeking immigrant visas have already shown their trustworthiness by exposing themselves to brutal attacks over their work in the Green Zone and elsewhere.

But such Iraqis are only a small part of a broader refugee problem that Washington confronts as a result of the war. In recent months, the U.N. refugee agency has referred 8,000 Iraqi refugee applications to the U.S. government. About 1,500 of them have been interviewed, and about 1,000 "conditionally approved" pending security checks and travel arrangements, a DHS official said. The State Department expects 4,000 more interviews to be completed by October.

But State and DHS are unlikely to admit more than 2,000 Iraqi refugees by October, U.S. officials said. Since 2003, the year of the U.S. invasion, the United States has admitted 825 Iraqi refugees, many of them backlogged applicants from the time when Saddam Hussein was in power. By comparison, the United States has accepted 3,498 Iranians in the past nine months.

Smaller countries have also done more. Sweden received 9,065 Iraqi asylum applications in 2006, approving them at a rate of 80 percent, although it recently announced tighter restrictions.

By past standards, the U.S. response also has been meager. Washington admitted nearly 140,000 Vietnamese refugees in eight months in 1975, although only after the U.S. defeat in South Vietnam became clear.

A DHS official blamed the State Department for paperwork delays. Assistant Secretary of State Ellen R. Sauerbrey said officials are speeding up processing and anticipate "a significantly larger number" of admissions. "The people who are in the pipeline will be admitted by next year or, hopefully, the end of the calendar year," she said.

But DHS has opposed boosting the U.S. intake of Iraqis. In a June 26 memo to Congress, the department opposed a legislative proposal to allow applications by Christians and other Iraqi religious minorities, saying it would "vastly increase" the number of refugees. "No vetting process is perfect, and even a strong vetting process can be strained by rapid growth or high volumes," the memo stated. U.S. officials declined to discuss details about security checks for Iraqis, but said that, under special rules, applicants are subjected to interviews, fingerprinting and examination of their family histories. The information is checked against military, FBI, State and Homeland Security databases.

But DHS rules sometimes pose problems peculiar to the Iraqi conflict: Those who pay ransom to free relatives kidnapped by insurgents, for example, are sometimes viewed as providing material support to terrorists.

Homeland Security officials say they have worked hard to adjust their policies, but Chertoff said in the interview that Washington will not compromise on screening quality. "What we can’t afford to do and what would be devastating for the program would be if we were to start to allow people in who actually were a threat," he said.

Years ago, Chertoff added, Europe had more relaxed asylum standards, and it "wound up admitting a bunch of people who are now the radical extremists who are fomenting homegrown terrorism."

Congress is nonetheless stepping up pressure on the administration to do more, with Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore.) and Sens. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.) and Gordon Smith (R-Ore.) introducing separate legislation to expand U.S. refugee and immigrant visa programs for Iraqis, including for those threatened because they helped coalition or reconstruction efforts.

"The Administration has ignored this crisis for far too long, and its response is inadequate," Kennedy said in a written statement. "We can’t solve this problem alone, but America has an obligation to provide leadership and resettle greater numbers of Iraqis who are targeted by the assassin’s bullet because they assisted us in the war."

(submitted by jim szpajcher)

Rona Altrows, featured in our August issue, will be Calgary Public Library’s writer in residence for autumn 2007. Learn the details and hear her read from her work on September 8^th between 2:00 and 3:30 at Memorial Park Library, 1221 – 2^nd Street SW. Further info at 261-2006 or calgarypubliclibrary.com.

Mensa Student

submitted by patricia almost

Friends -

Having spent the month of August working along the Alberta-Saskatchewan border, about 80 miles north of the Montana line, one can see the late summer prairie in its solitude and vast splendor. Here are some photos to contemplate:

1. A prairie evening, north of Walsh, Alberta. The low evening sun gives a richness to the scene. These landforms, remnants of glacial deposits, remain to show us that the climate has changed much in the past 10,000 years.

2. A large thunderstorm moving past at sunset, with its top shaded in pastel colors – part of a group of several moving across Alberta during the afternoon, and crossing into Saskatchewan to continue shedding energy after dark. An alkali lake, nearly dried up after a warm summer, provides contrast in the foreground. When the photo was taken, the storm cell was 60 miles distant, and disrupting harvest operations over a wide area.

3. Sagebrush is fairly common in the low lying areas on these grasslands. While not the dominant flora on the northern prairie, unlike the great sagebrush seas of the American West, its aromatic fragrance is evocative of an earlier, less complex time.

4. In rural western Saskatchewan, where the two main rivers are the North and South Saskatchewan, few bridges span the banks. Ferries are still a common means of crossing these larger rivers, and the ferry at Estuary – a forgotten, abandoned hamlet which gave the district its name – is a good example.

5. Natural gas is one of the bounties of this area of the plains. Shallow, low-output wells require intensive drilling to economically produce this resource. Here a small rig works toward dawn, as its profile breaks the brightening horizon. This photo was taken from one of the drilling locations I was working on. Within hours, the rig had moved onto another location, and by the next day, so had we.

Enjoy,

Jim Szpajcher

Here’s the situation. You want to send someone a large file. The file might be a few photos or a presentation or whatever. It could be anything. Every email provider limits the amount of information you can send, and some day you won’t have enough bandwidth. It’s inevitable. This is what to do. Try it now. Get on the net and dial up arunasend.com. Find arunasend home. This is what it looks like.

Put your own email address where the screen says. Click browse and you’ll see your own computer files. Find the one you want to send and double click it. Put the recipient’s email address where indicated. Type in any message you want to go with the file and click send. The result? You’ve emailed bulky material that your own provider might have refused because of volume. There’s an "in progress" sign on the aruna screen that will tell you when everything has been transmitted. And if you have questions, you can contact aruna for help. It’s all free.

(by ernest)

On Monday the general got up at crack of dawn
To make tough decisions and play cards.
He sleeps well, and so he should.
He needs a clear head. Our lives are in his hands.
The sky is blue in downtown Kabul,
Where generals stay.
While in Panjwaii it raineth every day.

The general has two lady friends in Kabul.
Good looking they are, with shapely hips.
But he sent us to Panjwaii,
Where ladies legs are never seen
Except under sheets carried to the tomb.
For in Panjwaii it raineth every day.

The general took his lady friends to play today,
While hot shells beat down on us
And tears flowed in our fierce town.
We know our duty
In Panjwaii, where it raineth every day.

We saved a dozen Afghan men today,
And drove them to their village
Where tamarind and poppies blow in the wild wind.
They have to make a living, those men,
From the dusty poppies that flower after we leave,
As their women in anticipation grieve.
They have no choice.
For in Panjwaii it raineth every day.

The generals will finish this bleak war soon,
If they’re allowed by men in fancy suits and fate,
So I can go home where my lady waits,
In lace and soft grass.
While in Panjwaii it raineth every day.

Along our road the tree was dying,
Where I stopped my car for shade
And a sniper’s shell blew off my leg.
How strange to see it tumble through the air.
It refused to obey me,
In Panjwaii, where it raineth every day.

Shock slowed my heart.
I saw the medics come.
But I wasn’t sad for they rescued me,
And my lady will bury me
In lace, beneath soft grass,
While the general and his commander with neat hair
Plan sometime to bring my companions home,
Perhaps to rest with me,
While in Panjwaii it raineth every day.

(by bb)

Read This Before Your Trophy Wife Takes Action Mentioned Herein

Mensa Member Robert Prechter has some timely advice for you if you have a bank account of any kind. In particular, he believes that all of your assets, including your bank account here in Calgary, are imperiled by the current world-wide financial crisis that startled the world with a stock market crash in mid-August 2007.

Robert Prechter attended Yale University on a full scholarship and graduated in 1971. In 1984 he won the U.S. Trading Championship, Options Trading Division, with a then-record 444% return. He has written numerous books, including Conquer the Crash.

In July 2007, Bear Stearns broke the news that their investments in mortgages had gone bust. That marked the beginning of a world-wide financial crisis that include:

• Canada’s Central Bank printing huge amounts of new money and the Canadian Loonie starting to deflate.
• Banks around the world closing down their mortgage lending departments and firing employees.
• Ominously for Calgary, the price of oil starting to dive and the price of natural gas hitting a new low for the year.

Where were you during Calgary’s last financial crisis, the Financial Bust of the 1980’s? Remember the long line up on 8th Avenue of customers trying to get their cash out of Principal Trust just before it went out of business? Remember the huge daily lists of builders lien, foreclosure, and tenant eviction actions posted each morning at the courthouse? How about the numerous divorces when trophy wives in Mount Royal suddenly discovered that their income sources had been "wrongfully dismissed"?

It looks like good times will be here again soon for Calgary’s foreclosure lawyers, not to mention their colleagues in the divorce department and insolvency-bankruptcy department.

Mensa Member Robert Prechter’s book, Conquer the Crash, sat idle on library shelves until now. The Calgary Public Library has 11 copies and most are now on loan. I expect a waiting list for it will soon develop that will rival the queue outside Principal Trust’s 8th Avenue office during the 1980’s Financial Bust in Calgary.

The first half of the book explains how and why the current Financial Bust is occurring. Skip that and go directly to the second half of the book. You can read the first half a few months from now – like when you’re waiting in line at your bank to get your money out. Or maybe while you’re waiting for your case to be called at the courthouse in a builders lien, foreclosure, tenant eviction or divorce action!

The second half of the book describes how to both survive and prosper (i..e get rich) during a world-wide financial crisis such as the one now underway. There’s valuable advice on what to do with your real estate, your art collection, your pension plan, your insurance, your stocks and other matters. Read it before your trophy wife finds out you’ve been wrongfully dismissed! Maybe you’ll get rich enough to trade her in for someone more loyal.

Visit Mensa Member Robert Prechter at

http://www.elliottwave.com/a.asp?url=/wave/tutorialclub/&cn=7lcf

(by Raymond T. Lee. See http://LeisurelyCashFlow.com. Notwithstanding anything said elsewhere, this item’s copyright and all rights of reproduction are held exclusively by Raymond T. Lee. All rights are reserved by Raymond T. Lee.)

General

Are you interested in participating in a variety of social, educational and recreational activities with fellow Mensans? i.e. coffee get togethers, dinners, quizzes/games, movies, concerts, lectures, museums, walks, etc. Our group is informal, unstructured, occasionally intellectually stimulating and open to new ideas. I envision a dynamic group committed to making Mensa Calgary a community where members can interact and enjoy each other’s company. My main objective is to establish a positive connection within the membership. If you are interested in getting together to develop some friendships and have some fun, or if you wish to provide feedback/comments, contact Patricia @ kathleen4057@yahoo.ca ["The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." -- Eden Phillpotts]

Sunday brunch

Contact Daryl Richardson for details, h.d.richardson@shaw.ca. This takes place every six weeks and you’ll appreciate that Daryl needs exact numbers for reservations. 

Second tuesdays of the month

Monthly coffee and conversation evening chez Catherine Ford, 7:30pm at 2409 Morrison St SW. BYOB.

For general queries, email Vicki Herd (vherd@shaw.ca).

China has prohibited Tibetan Buddhists from reincarnating without state permission. This creates an enforcement nightmare for Justice officials. Detection will be their first order of business, followed by devising a method to haul spirits back from unauthorized transits. Fortunately Jean D’Ormesson’s La Duane de Mer maps the new terrain thoroughly and can guide any bureau of errant souls.

The Chinese rationale is straightforward and defensible. It is necessary to keep reality under control. Nobody would wish absurdity to govern events. Our lives are already beset by violence and turmoil. Whimsical reincarnation would be the final straw.

There is always opposition, however, even to the soundest policy. A protest rally will be held to collectively contemplate a march through downtown streets.

In the absence of answers to the August puzzles, correct or incorrect, we’re running them again this month. Here they are:

1) The sun’s shadow at noon vanishes on one day of the year. But it points south on every other day. How many miles are you from the north pole?

2) Did an alien flying saucer crash in Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947? And why?

3) In what ways would the universe be different if there were or were not infinitely many twin primes? What circumstances near the instant of creation could cause either to be true? Is our research into numbers like a cat trying to learn English?

4) Alpha and Beta are identical. But they are addicts of the drug True, which comes in two forms. TrueTrue forces the taker to tell truths, and FalseTrue forces the taker to tell lies. Alpha and Beta emerge from their house one day, having taken one pill each. One stands to your right and the other to your left. The person on your left says, "The person on your right is Beta, and he swallowed a FalseTrue pill." The person on your right says, "The person on your left is Alpha and he swallowed a TrueTrue pill." Who is Alpha and who Beta?

5) Short story prize

The award will go to the best short story combining intelligence, religion, mystery, adventure, sensuality, and the Calgary Stampede. Terms: 500 words or less, English, deadline tba, all other terms and winner at editor’s absolute discretion. All or some entries may be published in MensaMag. Prize consists of naming the writer the winner of Calgary Mensa’s short story contest for 2007.

6) What is this a photo of?

(Image courtesy Daniel Lavabre; © 2005)

Answers to the July puzzles

1) [National photo contest.]  2) No entries yet.  3) On July 19, 2007, data was released announcing the 60th moon of Saturn. Its working name is Frank and it measures 2 km wide. In 1997, we only knew of 18 moons. The betting therefore is 59 as at July 5.  4) No entries yet.  5) Clock, lock, flock, frock, rock.