N&Q1 - Governmentium
A New Addition to Chemistry’s Periodic Table
Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium* (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 26 years; it does not decay, but undergoes reorganization during which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons change places, creating a dark element called Newgovernmentium.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass actually increases over time, since each reorganization causes morons to become neutrons. New isodopes are formed with each successive step. This characteristic, called moron promotion, leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium and its related elements are formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical mass is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, for example, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
(thanks to vicki herd)
