Indian reports suggest that the Mumbai attackers have links to a western Canada separatist group. An Indian police officer, on terms of anonymity, claimed that all ten attackers had cell phones that malfunctioned during the three-day siege in ways typical of Rogers subscribers in Alberta. “The bloody phones dropped calls, messages disappeared, and you could walk faster than the internet download speed.” Shooting accuracy was another connection to Alberta. “We had 10 attackers who hit 10 sites and killed or wounded nearly 400 people in the face of crack police marksmen. Only terrorists familiar with weapons from childhood could fire so quickly and with such cold discipline. This is characteristic of lawless Alberta, a frontier region which has seethed with separatist and pro-gun sentiment ever since Canada’s national government, controlled by Ontario and Quebec, seized Alberta’s oil 30 years ago. The room-to-room battles were also reminiscent of Alberta, where hardly a weekend passes without road-rage attacks or deaths outside biker bars and drug dens. The sole attacker still alive has said that he has cousins in Calgary and that other of the attackers also had family in Canada.” The police officer said that interrogation was continuing and more ties with Alberta and Canada were expected in the days to come. The Canadian Prime Minister, Steven Harper, has denied any connection between the attackers and Canada. “We’re not affected by the world economic slowdown and everyone here is content except the socialists and separatists,” he said. But Premier Stelmach of Alberta commented that dissatisfied minorities had entered the mountainous province, changed their names, lived on welfare and did whatever they pleased. “We’ll look into it when the provincial legislature reconvenes in the spring.” he said.

 

Like, no kidding.